I don’t remember talking to him about it, but I’m pretty sure my dad loved valentines day. Dad was sappy, ok really sappy, like cry over a touching commercial sappy, but with that he had probably one of the biggest, most loving hearts of anyone you’d ever meet. So valentines day was the perfect opportunity to demonstrate his huge loving heart to my mom, because it was one of the few times he had everything he needed to be able to do something really nice for her: phone/Internet, a credit card, and delivery men! (Oh man, I do feel bad for the people having to write his mooshy notes for him on the cards though, haha)
The point is in spite of all my dads physical limitations, he never lost a sincere love for my mother and especially a desire to show her any way that he could. For example, when she would get home at night after long days at work he couldn’t wait to go see her (which could be annoying cause mom was really tired, and he was persistent about being in her space; it was a actually humorous to watch), and even if it meant being in the same room watching tv as she fell asleep sitting in her chair he loved her and wanted to spend any time he could with her. I realize so many of these things now in retrospect that I never did growing up.
Mom too for all her many (and by many I mean endless) acts of faithful love and service always, even amidst the worst frustrations, showed my dad so much love and respect. Mom was always thinking about dad and how she could do little things for him, like get him his favorite candy bar, or sweet, or food in general (dad was easy to please, he loved food!). She always made sure dad was cleaned up nicely, and had nice clothes, and was presentable, which is not easy for someone with a handicap with spills and accidents, and other moments that could be embarrassing. My mother literally gave her life away and in so doing allowed my father to have the respect, dignity, and best life possible, and my father gave all he could in love, presence, and tenderness and affirmation, and I often wonder how much more he would have done if physically able. The result was that in spite of all the hardships they endured, they still found ways to laugh and love and enjoy being with each other.
I say all this, knowing that my parents are not super-human, or better than anyone else, that’s not my point at all. I saw all their very human sides and weaknesses in all my years growing up, yet I also saw that nothing, truly nothing could stop them no matter how hard life got. In all this, the thing I know all too well is that for both of them it was a choice, not one time, but daily, and that choice was Jesus Christ and the truth from the Bible.
It was Jesus that kept mom going day after endless day. It was Jesus and reading the Bible constantly that kept my dad from feeling sorry for himself and taking frustrations out on mom and me. It was her commitment to Jesus that kept my mom in a marriage that offered her nothing of her personal desires, because she committed to God as much as my dad when she said ‘I do’. It was Jesus that got them through being on welfare, and facing foreclosure, and needing specialized vehicles and a home, and mom going to get her college & masters degrees while working multiple jobs while I was of all things a ‘teenager’ (yikes). And it was their faith and commitment to Jesus that never allowed them to quit, and that faith I can tell you never failed as God always came through and provided for us just as the Bible promises He would!
In the midst however, I so often wondered why God? Why them? Why me? Why don’t you do something God? Can you God? Will you God? In all this, I struggled so much to really know and especially believe that God loved me growing up, because I could never understand why my parents, the most amazing wonderful people I knew had to go through so much. Along with this, the enemy of my soul (the devil), convinced me it was because God didn’t love me; Something I know now is an absolute lie, but something I also know I am not alone in having fallen for in the hardest of times!
There is a verse that has been a major part of breaking that lie in my life, it’s 1 John 4:16:
“We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.” (NASB)
For me I had heard about God’s love growing up, but because of what I observed and experienced, though I knew about this love I struggled to believe it.
Interestingly, one thing I never doubted in my life was my mother’s love for me based on the commitment she showed both to my father and to me. I knew pretty clearly that it would have been easier for her to quit and even take me and start again on her own and just leave my dad in another’s care. In addition, though I tried and often didn’t understand I could not deny the Jesus that both gave my parents strength, and gave them joy (especially my dad in all his suffering). So even when I would break down at times when I was growing up, I could never stay in anger, doubting, and hurt no matter how real the pain was. It was ‘Christ in them’ that was undeniable to me, but as the verse above says I still had to believe His love for me personally.
I’m glad to say that in the last few years, God has used the above verse as well as the reminders of His faithfulness to me and my family to show me how He never did leave me or fail me. What’s more, is that in my parents example and also in learning things I never new before about their struggles, God has given me so many examples of how He has regularly provided for me in my life (all evidences of a loving Father who cares for me and for us – 1 Peter 5:7). This was all the process for me to not only ‘come to know’ but also to ‘believe’ in His love (something He has also been patient and helped me to do).
I now look at life so often again wondering ‘why me?’, but now instead it is from the sense of how come I had the honor to have the parents I did, who set such an example of faithfulness and seeing God provide by His grace over and over for us. I see it now and I am amazed that God does (and always did) love me so much so as to give me and my parents all the grace (His direct influence and help in our lives) to overcome through Christ, everything that tried to defeat us, and He always will as we believe (and His grace is available to anyone who believes – Ephesians 2:8)!
To close I’ll share this, when my mom returned from the hospital after dad had passed and gone on to be with Jesus, the first thing she said coming in the door with tears flowing was ‘I loved that man so much’. For me that meant and means everything to me, to know my mother could love so deeply and consistently, receiving so little in return of personal gain. That love is beyond human; it’s beyond mom, dad, or me. It’s the love of God that is poured out in the hearts of all who believe in Jesus and receive His Spirit (Romans 5:5). And it’s a reminder of how much more does God even love me and you! He loves so much He gave His only son, taking all of our junk, seemingly receiving so little of personal gain in return, yet He ‘loves us all so very much’.
I am loved, you are loved… God is love, believe and abide in His love!
sonsbeforemen 
Nate, This really touched my heart! I’ve known you and your family for a long time. Your Dad was a true man of Faith and Character. I think the love and commitment that your Mom demonstrated for years is matchless. Her example shines bright for me and so many people. Sometimes I can get frustrated with small and insignificant things in life…. thinking they are huge deals. The perspective that you presented in this story really helps me. My life is easy and simple compared to the issues some people face daily. Your Mom is truly a hero to me. You are so blessed to know her as your Mother. You truly are loved! Thank you for sharing this!
Adam, wow thank you so much for your very kind words, God is faithful! So glad this encourages you, as we both know well walking in faith is not easy, but God never fails and we overcome in everything that comes our way by His grace and power! Love you and your family so much, you all helped ‘keep me on the race’ track so to speak so many times in my walk with God by your examples.. so thankful for you, and I really appreciate you saying all this it blesses me so much!
– Nate
Nate,
This is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read, a beautiful tribute to your parents and to the Lord. How He uses all things to shape and mold our lives, if we allow, if we trust Him. I love your parents, and I’m so proud if you, Nate, for the way you follow our Savior. Blessings and love to you, little brother ,
Leslie
Leslie, thank you so very much for your gracious and kind words, and for your encouragement and support! God is so faithful, I’m honored to have the opportunity to share the testimonies of all He has done.. He never fails us and always leads us to overcome! Your words mean so much to me, thanks again.. Love you and your family so much!
– Nate
So beautiful Nate!
Thank you so much Wendy, that means a lot to me!